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Binders Full of Women: Collecting All the Ladycards in The Witcher – part 5

August 30, 2014

Part 5 of my terrifying trip through The Witcher’s sexual shenanigans. See also: part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4.

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Binders Full of Women: Collecting All the Ladycards in The Witcher – part 4

August 27, 2014

My continuing unerotic odyssey through The Witcher: part 1, part 2, part 3.

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Binders Full of Women: Collecting All the Ladycards in The Witcher – part 3

August 24, 2014

Part 3 of an ongoing series – part 1, part 2.

Wotcha, witcherwatchers! Exciting news! Gerund has finally managed a non-squicky sexual encounter! I’m not sure I’d go so far as calling it sexy, but one step at a time, eh?

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Binders Full of Women: Collecting All the Ladycards in The Witcher – part 2

August 8, 2014

The inevitable continuation of my attempt to sleep with all the women in The Witcher and survive the experience with my faith in humanity/eroticism/videogames intact. Part 1 is here.

I’ve been in dark crypts and slimy sewers full of monsters, but the scariest moment I’ve had playing The Witcher so far was running through a hospital full of groaning near-death female patients coughing on the floor, desperately hoping that I wouldn’t have to have sex with any of them. Read more…

Binders Full of Women: Collecting All the Ladycards in The Witcher – part 1

August 3, 2014

To me, the sexiest videogame in the world is one with no sex, no nudity and no romanceable NPCs.

Years ago, when I was pregnant with twins, I was bored, nauseous and full of hormones. I was incapable of much more than playing videogames and lying on my bed thinking about sex. I didn’t want to HAVE any; that would involve moving. Instead, I played the first Guild Wars game, and imagined that my player character was an incorrigible, charismatic sex-fiend who slept with all the men and women in the game. Guild Wars has a diverse and beautiful world, full of diverse and beautiful NPCs. They are not romanceable, but they have just enough dialogue with you to give you a sense of who they are, and in my case, whether my character would want to fuck them, and they him. The rest, I could invent for myself. I would play a few quests, then script seduction scenes in my head. The chaste priestess, the gruff, taciturn ranger, the rebellious noble son, the distrustful, snarky assassin. It was great.

It was absolutely nothing like The Witcher at all.

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The Machine

July 30, 2014
tags:

A piece of short fiction that acknowledges a stylistic debt to Mallory Ortberg’s wonderful Texts From.

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The Metaphysics of Morrowind: part 4

November 23, 2010

Concludatory ramblings to a post series on extraludic/metagamey wossnames in The Elder Scrolls 3: Morrowind. Introductory part one here, part two on time, space and Dragon Breaks here, and part three on meta-NPC extraordinaire Vivec here.

Final musings on metaphysics in Morrowind

TES examines what it means to create an imaginative work by setting up a world and then subjecting it to the literary/ludic equivalent of laboratory analysis. Metaphysics undergo destruction testing, seeking the limits of the universe by pulling and twisting time and space to (dragon) breaking point.

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