It’s been a long, hard, dick-joke strewn journey, but our binder is finally filled with women. Whether human or monster, we have plunged our swords into everything that we possibly can. What now? I’ve come to a few conclusions, some negative, but there are also plenty of things that were actually handled better than I feared.
It’s Chapter 5, the final chapter, and these are lean times for ladyhunters. Not only are there just three cards left to get in the game, each playthrough only allows you to get one of them! I’ve been following the questline that aligns you with the non-humans, so I am tragically only capable of witnessing the following lay in its full interactive glory. No, I am not playing through 50+ hours again (twice!) just for sexcards. Even I have my limits.
They have a very sexy cow in Murky Waters, the tiny, rural village you find yourself in for the duration of Chapter 4. The peasants are devoted to their cow, and dedicate themselves to her every need, guarding her jealously and evangelising about her voluptuous udder. They seem to take less care of their daughters, who keep wandering off and getting killed. Quick, better screw some of them first!
I was hoping I’d seen the last of that horrendous moppet Little Alvin, but no. Turns out he’s important. Plot-wise, in that he’s a magical vortex or something, but also sex-wise, in that you can use him as a bribe so that women will sleep with you!
Wotcha, witcherwatchers! Exciting news! Gerund has finally managed a non-squicky sexual encounter! I’m not sure I’d go so far as calling it sexy, but one step at a time, eh?